We’re currently putting CursedCleveland.com’s hilarity on hold for a few days (or weeks..OK years) until we can actually make the website look respectable as to match our top notch commentary, wit and humor. Please e-mail us and let us know what you can do to overhaul this awfulness. (Webmaster@cursedcleveland.com).

We’ll see you in 2010!

So we’ve obviously beaten the joke into the ground about Ohio State and their tendency to go after caucasians to fill out their otherwise talented football team, but we’re cool with Nick Montana. 

He’s already been offered by LSU, South Carolina, Stanford and Arizona, and not suprisingly, the Big Ten is slow to the party. Is there anything the Big Ten does fast these days? Well technically, they waste little time digging themselves into holes in BCS games.

The Buckeyes just landed the son of NFL Hall of Fame finalist Chris Carter, and now they’re attempting to go father-son route again with Nick Montana. As you know, his dad is the most famous pitchman in the world when it comes to hypertension advocacy.  He also was pretty good in the NFL too.

But here’s the new game I want to play. With all the technology and reference tools available online, it should be pretty easy to find out exactly when an athlete knocked up his girl. Wouldn’t be cool to find out if it happened after a big playoff peformance or a gigantic choke job. Can someone find out this Nick’s birthday and get back to us? We’ll do the rest of the research.

Oh and we’d like to get Nick’s thoughts on his dad’s favorite post-retirment hobby of upstairs masturbation.

Kevin Harlan eager for LeBron to join conversation.

The Plain Dealer links Cy Young award winner Cliff Lee to the steroids story. OK so they just asked him what he thought. A-Rod has run its course.

Our favorite MAC beat writer Elton Alexander says “Don’t look now, but the MAC tournament begins a month from today. Don’t worry Elton, we weren’t looking ever. Mac tourney getting close.

Buckeyes looking at another white guy, but this one happens to be the the son of the most famous cholesterol awareness pitch man ever. A QB named Montana to visit OSU.

Rumor has it that D.A. is getting his $5 million roster bonus, Browns’ plan at QB lacks clarity.

So with our recent meteoric rise, I thought what better time to take a look at some of other Cleveland sports blogs that have fallen by the wayside, and perhaps critique their business models. I certainly realize that A&E’s Beast has a better chance of returning for a second season (or their star completing his two-year contract) than CursedCleveland. But at least that will give Waiting For Next Year some new material.

The Disappointment Zone Last Blog Date: April 30th 2008

If the name of the blog itself doesn’t adequately prepare you for the feeling you’re about to subject yourself to after 5 minutes of reading this blog, then perhaps it’s the lack of a graphic/video/sound anything that might actually have you feeling we’ve advanced to the 21st century. Even the ancient Egyptians had a better understanding of how pictures could drive interest. On a positive note, at least they’ve got the movable type thing down.

God Hates Cleveland Sports Last Blog Date: Oct 22 2007

Growing up with a solid Christian upbringing, I was always led to believe that God does not have an ounce of hatred in his/her/its bones. One thing I can definitely tell you our favorite deity hates, is the color fuschia. If you don’t believe me, check out Paul’s second epistle to the Corinthians, it’s clearly laid out. Oh wait, he was talking about how much he hates homosexuals, which ironically love all things fuschia.

Interestingly enough, his banner lays out all the evidence you’d ever need to prove Yahweh’s hatred for Cleveland Sports:

“Red Right 88 … The Drive … The Fumble … The Shot … The Mesa … The Suck! Isn’t it obvious that God hates Cleveland sports?”

“The Mesa?”, “The Suck?” Are these terms now in the Cleveland sports lexicon? We’re blaming Mesa for 97, but not Tony Fernandez, who’s error in the 11th ultimately cost the Indians the game. Oh and the “Suck,” is how we’d describe your website. Burnnnn

Cleveland Sports Insider Last Blog Post: July 29 2007

Anyone using the term “Insider” to describe their work, better be well connected, better deliver the goods, or better be delivering coke-induced voicemails at Hollywood parties.

By looking at his photo emblazened on the front of the site, it appears the only thing author Josh Fetter is an insider on is popped collars. Unfortunately, according to his bio, he’s now attending Purdue. Perhaps he can give us the scoop Gene Keady’s hairpiece. Or the mandatory count of ten white basketball players on scholarship.

Just another Cleveland sports blog Last Blog Date: Dec. 18 2007

This blog goes down the uncharted waters of not capitalizing its title. And who can blame them? Why draw any more attention to something that’s likely caused your family unquantifiable humiliation and torment. Like the Disappointment Zone, this blog’s not big on the popular “add image” function that’s all the rage these days in the blogosphere.

In two months of blogging, JACSB, as it’s commonly referred to in this torture chamber of a basement where he undoubtedly goes to work on homemade dresses with “alternative” fabric, he was able to amass one comment. ONE comment. It was filed under his extremely controversial post bashing the Detroit Tigers front office:

“very interesting, but I don’t agree with you”

There’s many ways to describe the fixture of Cleveland Sports blogging that is JACSB, but none of them would fall under the umbrella of “interesting.”

Are you a Cleveland girl who enjoys munilot drunken dabauchery? Do you have a yearning for a three-four defensive scheme featuring zero playmakers at the LB position? Have you hooked up with Braylon Edwards after a night out at XO? Has Ryan Tucker thrown you through a window in a fit of roid rage? Then Alyssa Milano’s new “Touch” Collection featured in the Cleveland Browns gift shop is for you.

Considering the unorthodox way the Browns coach actually hired the GM, it’s fitting that when fans pose the inevitable question of “Who’s the Boss?”, they’ll be sporting apparel from the catalogue of a former cast member! The name of the new couture label itself (“Touch”) might appear to be at odds with the throwing style of starting quarterback Derek Anderson. It does however properly describe the method by which the Browns defense attempts to tackle.

Sizes available are (S) (M) (L) and (RAC).

Mo Williams was the 14th choice for the All-Star game, but fourth for the skills competition after Jameer Nelson’s injury. Motivation must be derived from this right? Cavs insider.

In the same article, Windhorst writes that LeBron’s refusal to do dunk contests has a root: “There are some who believe James was scarred by the Slam Dunk Contest at the 2003 McDonald’s All-American Game, which he controversially won. Had he competed and lost over All-Star Weekend to lesser names, it could have had consequences on his reputation.” Well I did some research, as it turns out, the judges were Carlos Boozer, DeSagana Diop, Darius Miles, DaJuan Wagner and his colostomy bag, and Michael Vick.

Bill Livingtston says Mike Brown does not need to apologize for his tirade. I will not be writing a similar piece about Bill Livingston’s column.

Mel Kiper says the Browns need speed and pass-rushing linebackers.

Hey you over there without a job. I’m guessing you won’t be flying to Goodyear to watch an 81-win team play in a ballpark that charges $9.50 for a sandwich in this downtrodden economy. Don’t laugh Carl Pavano, this could be you in a year.

Cleveland – Tonight the Cavs leaned on the Eastern Conference All Star Team’s 14th man. Mo Williams stole the show from LeBron with 44 points and 7 assists, shooting 18-26 from the floor and not using the rim for most of his makes. This comes after it was announced that Mo will be one of the ballers in the All Star Saturday night Skills Competition. Hopefully someone can poison something in one of Jason Kapono’s meals so Mo can participate in the 3-point shootout, as tonight Mo was 7-9 from (DEEP IN THE Q BLAJSAKJLAJSALBLAHHAHABLAH)!!!!!!

Z continued to look very bad and finally Big Ben and Sideshow Bob got extra minutes. Boobs Gibson played better and was shockingly good on defense. However that defense was helped by the Suns, minus Steve Nash, turning the ball over in very ugly fashion TWENTY FIVE TIMES. Phoenix was extremely unimpressive and they might just completely blow this once great group up (they really already have been blown up). LeBron for the most part deferred and didn’t have to do anything special tonight. Anyways, the Cavs (AND MYSELF) head to Phoenix this weekend at 40-11 with only a couple bad losses and 1 very big win. All in all great 1st half, and don’t look now, but thee one, thee only, D-HOOD is creepin on a come up. GO CAVS.

And look for LeBron to get his 24 All Star Field Goal Attempts. I for one don’t want to get sold short.

Cleveland – Tonight the Cavs try and bounce back from losses to Lamar Odom and Joey Crawford against the struggling Phoenix Suns. Traditionally 2-time joke MVP Steve Nash and LeBron tend to have big numbers against one another, but the Suns tend to win the game. Mike D’antoni is finally gone however and the current Suns team does not resemble the old 60-win teams. Biggg Shaq Daddy Diesel (The best and most productive player on 3 Laker championship teams, and 2nd best player on a Miami title team) has been playing better than expected this season. This Phoenix team might be older than the members over at Lakeview Cemetery but they could still present problem for a struggling Cavs team with no decent 2 guard.

The Cavs of late have gotten away from their style of defending and rebounding as well as falling into the trap of watching and depending on LeBron James. This game could turn into an arena football game if Mike Brown and Terry Porter let their teams disregard one end of the floor. I’ll take the Cavs by a count of 112-101.

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – In the era of performance-enhancing drugs, every athlete’s weight fluctuations on a year-to-year basis come with an enormity of speculation. Yet, somehow, NBA players have always been immune to the type of skepticism that accompanies mass gain or loss for other athletes in other sports. With PEDs dominating the headlines since Canseco penned his first ever subject-predicate sequence, it’s a little shocking that nobody has every directly asked LeBron James if his roughly 4o-pound weight gain had anything to do with the same doping that was running rampant in every other sport. Was the guy going to have to travel back in time and put on a Texas Rangers jersey for someone to actually ask some questions?

NEW YORK – Well in continuing with the saga that has ruined episodes of sportscenter for the past 3 years, Brett Favre has decided to go ahead and… WHO CARES! The only way I could be less interested in this guy would be if he had penises growing off of his face. This time, he didn’t put on the big production, instead having his agent break the news to the Jets. I’d like to personally thank Brett for this, as I won’t have to see him crying on television and hear all of the former average NFL players ESPN Analysts give their take on whether he’ll actually be back. At this point it is unclear whether or not Favre will be issuing a public apology to Eric Mangini for costing him his job, thus resulting in him coming to Cleveland.